Babies are good. They are sleeping from about 8pm-7am with a few blips here and there. They are both mobile and I’m shocked each morning when they have moved, while still swaddled, from one side of the crib to the other. They are incredibly interactive and want to smile and giggle and study my face. They are also WIDE AWAKE. They rarely nap during the day which can be super draining but also fun. I’ve found myself laughing more with them and that’s good for everybody.
What else? Last week was hard. I know I say that a lot and those reading this blog (Hi Mom!) probably think all I do is complain. I don’t. Well maybe I do. But hell, it’s hard! Last week I attended a play date with two friends of mine with babies. I had been looking forward to it for some time. One friend has a precious six month old girl and my other friend has the sweetest little 3 month old boy. It was really interesting to observe them both as our babies are smack dab in the middle. The six month old was SO ACTIVE! I couldn’t believe what crawling looked like. She was on the move. She picked up everything she saw and put it in her mouth-including trying to steal pacifiers out of the babies mouths 🙂 She was so lovely though and I thought to myself how fun, albeit tiring, that age looked. The 3 month old boy is like a little Zen master. He is so so so chill. He kind of sat back on his mamma’s lap and watched my crazy train roll into the station. While it was really fun, and great for me to get out and interact with adult humans, I left feeling completely defeated.
First and foremost, it was exhausting to bring them over. I can hardly carry them in their car seats anymore and once we actual got into my friend’s house, I moved back and forth without stopping from one crying baby to the other barfing baby. My friend, on the other hand, seemed like she had everything together. Her house was pristine, her baby was clean and in matching clothes, she had this great mat set out for us to play on (our boy promptly puked on it upon arrival), her stroller snapped open and had all the appropriate hand wipes and buzzing toys. In other words, she looks to have her SH*T together. My other friend was equally organized. Oh and by the way, both of my friends have totally lost their baby weights and look like super models.
I, on the other hand, felt like Octomom walking in that house. I had puke on my shirt, I was wearing maternity pants, one baby had soaked his shirt with drool, the other started crying and didn’t stop until we got home, my stroller is so big I feel like I’m driving a truck down the street, I forgot bottles and formula and had to use my friend’s, and by the first thirty minutes of the playdate, I was really sweaty. In other words, I do NOT have my SH*T together. We went for a walk in her neighborhood and I literally had to walk IN FRONT of my friends because my damn stroller took up the whole sidewalk. They suggested stopping for yogurt after-something I was really looking forward to (even though my Weight Watchers points were nil after I gorged myself on conversation hearts that morning). Before we got to the yogurt shop, however, my crazy train started screaming crying and I politely excused myself. I watched them walk away in their adorable skinny jeans with their children who didn’t seem like monsters and I started to cry. As I wiped the snot from my nose and tried desperately to lift my mack-truck stroller into the car, I dropped my purse and spilled everything on the ground. I put both babies in the car, slammed the stroller in, got in the front seat and felt EXTREMELY sorry for myself. I came home and used 5 more points on a glass of wine.
I know that everyone else doesn’t have it together. I know that their babies cry and spit up and poop their pants and that they feel unsure as mothers, wives and friends. And I know that they have days like mine. But it’s so easy to feel like I am the only one failing at this. Or rather, struggling with this. And I don’t want to be that annoying friend who’s all “I have twins, it’s so much harder” because truth is, a new baby is hard as hell no matter what your situation. Each day is different and today has been really good. It’s important for me to remember that and to reflect back to days like today when I’m covered in unspeakable baby fluids.